Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Hey, everyone. Welcome to the episode. So ask a ram flips the script one step beyond podcast. Guests and listeners submit their questions and ask a ram anything. Questions can be music, life stories, business, leadership, advice, how to make the best vegan omelette, you name it. Aram will unpack your questions and leave you with info you can apply before we get to it. Please rate, review, and subscribe. It doesn't matter how much preparation I've done for meetings. When I'm called on, my mind goes blank. I know the material, but when it's time to deliver, nothing is there. What can I do to stop this from happening?
[00:00:40] Speaker B: Sympathetic nervous system response and exposure therapy.
[00:00:45] Speaker C: So what I mean by that is, you're totally right. Prep, prep, prep, prep.
[00:00:50] Speaker B: You're totally prep. You've got all your notes written, you've.
[00:00:53] Speaker C: Done all this stuff, and boom, you go into the meeting, you totally blank.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: The way I look at the sympathetic nervous system, so our fight or flight, it's like a glass wall that descends from the ceiling. And so that glass wall is always.
[00:01:07] Speaker C: Just a little bit poking out from the ceiling.
[00:01:10] Speaker B: And that's because the sympathetic nervous system, which, again, it's like fight or flight. And then parasympathetic nervous system, which are.
[00:01:16] Speaker C: State of calm and relaxation, they're always.
[00:01:19] Speaker B: In like a constant negotiation, and one.
[00:01:21] Speaker C: Is never fully on and the other's ever fully off. So if that sympathetic nervous system, if.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: That, uh, if youre at your most.
[00:01:29] Speaker C: Calm, that little glass wall is still sticking out from the ceiling, in front.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: Of you is a toolbox. And in front of that toolbox is two levels. The top level are your most basic skills, which are still super good. You know, basic skills would be ability to answer general questions, ability to ask general questions. Your ability to track what someone is saying. Basic use of your physical and verbal presence. Ability to access quickly your short term memory. The deeper level of that toolbox would be access to long term memory and creative thought. Your ability to negotiate empathy and answering more complex questions. Your ability to use physical and verbal presence to tone set and really, like, set the tone of the room. All that kind of stuff would be lower level. If you're someone who gets lit up by having a speaking engagement, the way you should look at it is that.
[00:02:19] Speaker C: Glass wall starts coming down, and it gets in between you and your tools.
[00:02:23] Speaker B: So there's three stages of this.
[00:02:24] Speaker C: From the way I look at it.
[00:02:26] Speaker B: The first stage is the glass wall.
[00:02:27] Speaker C: Comes down a quarter of the way. And so that that quarter of the.
[00:02:31] Speaker B: Way, it is not in between.
[00:02:32] Speaker C: You and the toolbox at all.
[00:02:34] Speaker B: That is what most people's performance state.
[00:02:38] Speaker C: State is. And it could be presenting, it could.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: Be going to play like a show, it could be doing a marathon. It could be like, whatever.
[00:02:44] Speaker C: Whatever it is, it's that space where you're like, okay, I have to go.
[00:02:48] Speaker B: And do something, and I want to.
[00:02:50] Speaker C: Do well at it.
[00:02:51] Speaker B: Even if it's something that I find intimidating or scary, or if it's something I really like doing, I want to do well.
[00:02:56] Speaker C: Nervousness is not bad at all.
[00:02:59] Speaker B: So when you're nervous, glass walls a quarter of the way down, you see.
[00:03:03] Speaker C: It, you go into your toolbox, you.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: Can access both levels, and then you.
[00:03:06] Speaker C: Can create the right kind of response.
[00:03:09] Speaker B: This is where, for the person who asked this question specifically, where I think it starts to get a little hairy for you, nervousness turns into anxiety. Now, that doesn't mean someone lives with anxiety. It's that they're having an anxious response to something. So now that glass wall is down.
[00:03:23] Speaker C: Halfway, at the halfway mark, you can still see the toolbox, but you can't.
[00:03:29] Speaker B: Directly reach to it. You have to reach underneath the glass wall. When you reach underneath the glass wall.
[00:03:34] Speaker C: The length of your arms is shorter.
[00:03:36] Speaker B: So that means you can only actually.
[00:03:37] Speaker C: Hit that top level. That means that people can go, they.
[00:03:41] Speaker B: Can do basic questions, they can do basic answers. They can remember the basic elements of a script or a presentation that they've had, but they can't get into more of that creative thinking. They can't get into the long term memory. They can't read the room effectively. If they get stuck or get off.
[00:03:58] Speaker C: Base, they get really off.
[00:04:00] Speaker B: It's because you don't have those lower levels of things. And you also can't read the room, which is a big one for presentations.
[00:04:07] Speaker C: If anxiety gets more provoked, then anxiety turns into fear.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: Glass wall comes all the way down, then youre only left with a response.
[00:04:14] Speaker C: Of fight or flight.
[00:04:15] Speaker B: So in a presentation format, this is.
[00:04:18] Speaker C: When people totally freeze or theyre like anything to get through this. So based on what Im hearing here.
[00:04:24] Speaker B: Its probably no matter what you do.
[00:04:26] Speaker C: How much prep and all those things.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: You still get into that anxious space. So kind of like the stage two and you can sort of get through there. Of course, I dont know all the things that youve done. So when I say exposure therapy, what id really be encouraging, its more than just prep. Its more than just like writing down, like your ideas and bullet points or this or that. What id be doing is id be looking to like from an exposure therapy.
[00:04:48] Speaker C: Point of view is youve got to.
[00:04:50] Speaker B: Socialize yourself to something so much that it doesnt get to anxiety, that it can only get to nervousness.
[00:04:55] Speaker C: So that means doing stuff like, I'm.
[00:04:58] Speaker B: Not a huge Toastmasters fan, but doing things like toastmasters or going more into like, things where it's like a presentation training or those things, but not like a presentation training, something you're doing consistently. I would be looking to be presenting ideas frequently. So that would be at work putting up your hand and being like, give me every single presentation you have or doing it on your off time. If that's like, horrifying and you're like, that's the worst advice I've ever gotten, don't worry about it, then you don't have to do that. But what it does mean is on your own, you should be taping yourself constantly.
[00:05:28] Speaker C: You should have an iPad or, or.
[00:05:30] Speaker B: On your computer using Zoom or any of those things you can record yourself. You should be constantly doing presentations over and over again. You should be setting up presentations to.
[00:05:38] Speaker C: Your family, to your friends, to all.
[00:05:41] Speaker B: Sorts of people where you're constantly practicing. It's not about practicing a presentation. And in fact, if anything, I think you should try and do a bunch.
[00:05:48] Speaker C: Of different topics and try your hand.
[00:05:51] Speaker B: At a lot of different things. But you should be constantly taping yourself and presenting and then watching that taping. It's the only way that you can socialize yourself to that level of getting comfortable with it so that it goes.
[00:06:02] Speaker C: From being anxiety where you're only getting.
[00:06:04] Speaker B: Part of your toolbox, to full toolbox in nervousness. A really great way of doing this, by the way, is using other people's presentations. So if you go on TED talk.
[00:06:13] Speaker C: Get a two minute clip that you really like in there and, and get the transcript for that two minutes, and.
[00:06:18] Speaker B: Then just tape yourself doing that same two minutes over and over and over again. So not only there are you getting some, like, exposure therapy where you're doing it, but you're also learning someone else's style, because what you should be doing.
[00:06:29] Speaker C: Is pretending to be them. That will also help expand your speaker skills.
[00:06:33] Speaker B: So there's some basic strategies, but you can't practice your way out of it by just practicing for a presentation. It's gotta be exposure therapy.
[00:06:40] Speaker C: So by doing that, it means taping.
[00:06:42] Speaker B: Yourself and then looking at that tape.
[00:06:44] Speaker C: Over and over again.
[00:06:45] Speaker B: It is literally the worst thing. I've done it myself. It's horrible. But once you get there, you get.
[00:06:50] Speaker C: There and you'll never go back.
[00:06:52] Speaker A: What qualities do CEO's look for in a leader?
[00:06:55] Speaker C: Effective at getting results, while also effective at being with people. So I talk a lot about business leadership and people leadership.
Most CEO's want people in their organization to have good experiences and they want.
[00:07:16] Speaker B: To have a good culture and they.
[00:07:17] Speaker C: Want all those things.
[00:07:18] Speaker B: If you talk to most CEO's, they'll.
[00:07:20] Speaker C: Talk about that first.
[00:07:21] Speaker B: But really what's first for them is getting results. So what they're looking for, if I was to give you a percentage, is they're looking at someone who's like 70% an effective business leader and 30% an effective people leader. And that ratio could be higher. So you could have it like 60.
[00:07:35] Speaker C: 40 or, or 50 50.
[00:07:37] Speaker B: Really, CEO's at that level, they are looking for people who are very good at getting results and also are quite.
[00:07:43] Speaker C: Good with people getting results and being good with people.
[00:07:48] Speaker B: Depending on the industry and where a business is at, they don't always actually go hand in hand. And that's why you can see some very senior level people be great business leaders. Like, they know how to get results.
[00:07:57] Speaker C: But they suck at leading people.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: It's easy to blame those leaders and be like, oh, that person's a bad person. But really, that might be actually exactly what the CEO wants, and it might actually be exactly what the business needs. But that doesn't mean it's good for.
[00:08:10] Speaker C: The culture or good for the people.
[00:08:12] Speaker B: So it is some kind of combination of business leadership and people leadership.
[00:08:18] Speaker C: But what that percentage is would be.
[00:08:21] Speaker B: Based on, like, the CEO, what they.
[00:08:23] Speaker C: Value and what the business needs.
[00:08:25] Speaker A: How does a CEO manage the stress of corporate demands and decision making?
[00:08:31] Speaker B: This is going to be different than work life balance. So I'm going to talk specifically to health, and it's the legs of the chair. It's going to be diet, exercise, sleep, and social time.
[00:08:39] Speaker C: So, uh, stress is a, is an.
[00:08:42] Speaker B: Interesting thing because stress is like a constant in life. And stress, when people are like, oh, stress is so bad, we shouldn't have stress.
[00:08:49] Speaker C: Yes. And so, yes, stress isn't a great.
[00:08:54] Speaker B: Thing, especially long term stress.
[00:08:55] Speaker C: And we're remarkably well built, like the.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: Human species is remarkably well built to deal with stress. As long as we take care of these four things and also to be super clear, things get done because of stress.
[00:09:08] Speaker C: So maybe a controversial opinion where people.
[00:09:11] Speaker B: Are like, oh, work shouldn't be stressful. It's like, well, I don't think a lot of work would be getting done if it wasn't stressful. Stress doesn't only mean having like a stressful work environment. I just mean life's stressors typically are what cause people to be super focused, try and get bigger things to innovate, to create all of those things typically lead to results.
Stress in and of itself, how we.
[00:09:33] Speaker C: Deal with it, we got to be ultra practical.
[00:09:36] Speaker B: So stress is a reality and its not necessarily even a bad thing.
[00:09:40] Speaker C: Its about whether or not how big.
[00:09:42] Speaker B: It is, how ongoing it is, and then how we interact with it. So from an interaction point of view, and specifically this for all people at.
[00:09:48] Speaker C: Work, but I talk to CEO's about this all the time.
Diet, exercise, sleep and social are non negotiable.
[00:09:58] Speaker B: You have to have all four of them.
[00:09:59] Speaker C: Again, think about the legs of a chair. If a chair has four legs, that.
[00:10:04] Speaker B: Means you can sit down.
[00:10:05] Speaker C: So imagine stress being like youre standing and not only are you standing, but.
[00:10:10] Speaker B: Depending on how stressed you are, youre.
[00:10:12] Speaker C: Carrying a ton of weight.
So if youre under a ton of.
[00:10:16] Speaker B: If youre really stressed out, youre holding a lot of weight.
[00:10:18] Speaker C: If you can sit down, thats a.
[00:10:20] Speaker B: Huge, like, thats a huge help. Youre still carrying a ton of weight, but you can sit down and the.
[00:10:23] Speaker C: Chair can help you. So if a chair has four legs.
[00:10:28] Speaker B: You can have a real good sit and who doesnt like a good sit, right? Like you can really rust into that.
[00:10:34] Speaker C: But if a chair has three legs.
[00:10:36] Speaker B: You can sit in the chair, but it gets a little weird because you have to sort of watch how youre sitting. So its a little less relaxing and you have to engage a little bit.
[00:10:45] Speaker C: Of your core, maybe one of your legs. If a chair has two legs, yes.
[00:10:50] Speaker B: You can sit in it depending on which legs they are. But now your other, your two legs have to actually become the other two legs because youve got to stabilize it and you have to use your core. You're kind of engaged with it, so.
[00:11:01] Speaker C: It'S much less relaxing. But if a chair has one leg, you can't sit and you're just going to stand.
[00:11:07] Speaker B: So that's how I think of how we deal with stress from these legs of the chair.
[00:11:11] Speaker C: When I think of diet, I'm not telling people to go on a diet more.
[00:11:16] Speaker B: So it's that you should always at any given time know what 50% of.
[00:11:21] Speaker C: Your meals are going to be in a week.
[00:11:23] Speaker B: And that means that you should typically have those meals on hand. Either you have all of the stuff in your house or you like pack.
[00:11:29] Speaker C: A lunch or any of these things.
[00:11:31] Speaker B: That just simply means from like the quality of food that you're getting, like, are you getting good food? And again, I'm not asking people to have like, you know, vegan quinoa, like loaf or something like that. I just mean good, healthy food that's gonna fuel you effectively.
[00:11:46] Speaker C: You should have 50% of your meals planned a week.
[00:11:49] Speaker B: And they don't have to be like gourmet meals, they just have to be good meals. You wanna get really ambitious, and especially if you're going through a super stressful.
[00:11:56] Speaker C: Time, you can knock that up to.
[00:11:57] Speaker B: 70 or 80%, you could even have 100% of your meals.
[00:12:00] Speaker C: But the more your meals are planned.
[00:12:02] Speaker B: Out and you know what you're going.
[00:12:03] Speaker C: To have, you're going to be able to keep that leg of the chair.
[00:12:06] Speaker B: The second is exercise. Again, I'm not asking people to be like, you know, marathon runners or anything, but most people need minimum 30 minutes of exercise three times a week. And that is just about keeping your blood flowing, like keeping your mind crisp, having the right balance of like things.
[00:12:23] Speaker C: Going on with your hormones, all of those things. And that 30 minutes could become an hour.
[00:12:29] Speaker B: It could become an hour and a half.
[00:12:30] Speaker C: Its whatever people need.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: Those three times a week could be seven days a week. Its whatever you need. But from a minimum perspective, it should.
[00:12:36] Speaker C: Be three times for 30 minutes.
[00:12:38] Speaker B: And that could be light stretching, it could be a walk, it could be.
[00:12:40] Speaker C: All sorts of things.
[00:12:41] Speaker B: Walking is really undervalued. Walking is cardio and it is super, super good for you. So even a 30 minutes walk helps.
[00:12:49] Speaker C: But you have to have that in there.
[00:12:51] Speaker B: Sleep. Most people need between seven and 9 hours of sleep, especially if were talking at CEO level. So were going to say people are like mid to late career at that.
[00:12:59] Speaker C: .7 to 9 hours of sleep.
[00:13:01] Speaker B: Theres like 2% of the population that require less than that.
[00:13:04] Speaker C: These are called short sleepers and most.
[00:13:07] Speaker B: People think theyre short sleepers, but in reality youre probably just used to being chronically sleep deprived.
[00:13:12] Speaker C: So thats not correct.
[00:13:14] Speaker B: You need to have seven to 9 hours to have that leg intact.
[00:13:17] Speaker C: And then finally, social people need about an hour.
[00:13:21] Speaker B: Most people need about an hour of.
[00:13:23] Speaker C: Social time a week minimum.
[00:13:24] Speaker B: And that could be 1 hour at a time or one day in the week.
[00:13:28] Speaker C: Or you can split that up.
[00:13:29] Speaker B: You can be way more social than that. And very few people need less than that.
[00:13:33] Speaker C: But you do need established social time each week.
[00:13:38] Speaker B: That could be a phone call with a friend or with multiple friends. It could be zoom, it could be in person, any of those things.
[00:13:44] Speaker C: It could be drinks after work, whatever it is. But what it can't be is texting.
[00:13:49] Speaker B: With people is not social time. Social media is not social time. These are typically things that detach us from the human experience or cause a lot of anxiety. Instead, it's actually like person to person or person to groups of people engagement. So when you've got all four legs intact, you can be standing and carrying.
[00:14:05] Speaker C: A ton of weight and then sit down and you're still carrying a lot of weight, but you're able to rest and kind of recuperate.
[00:14:12] Speaker B: But if you lose one of those.
[00:14:13] Speaker C: Legs of the chair, then you're compromised.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: You lose two legs and you're really compromised, you lose three, then there's no way you can stand for a long time with that weight, especially if it's.
[00:14:22] Speaker C: Getting heavier and heavier.
[00:14:24] Speaker B: Most people have one leg that is.
[00:14:27] Speaker C: Susceptible to going out when they get stressed.
[00:14:31] Speaker B: So, for example, when I get really.
[00:14:32] Speaker C: Really stressed, the thing that always, always goes out for me is food.
[00:14:38] Speaker B: I love candy. I love sweet stuff.
[00:14:39] Speaker C: I love donuts pie, all of that.
[00:14:41] Speaker B: As soon as I get really stressed out, I'm like, I just started eating bad.
[00:14:45] Speaker C: So thats the first leg that goes out.
[00:14:47] Speaker B: But most people, myself included, usually have a leg thats gone, that one has gone out, the other ones kind of weak as well. And so my second is exercise. As soon as I start eating bad, I give myself an excuse to stop exercising as well. Now I only got two legs and.
[00:15:02] Speaker C: Im carrying a lot of weight.
[00:15:04] Speaker B: So in that situation its what wed.
[00:15:06] Speaker C: Refer to as mild burnout.
Its really, really important if you are.
[00:15:11] Speaker B: Not just a CEO but anyone whos.
[00:15:13] Speaker C: Managing a ton of stress, the absolute.
[00:15:16] Speaker B: Focus on your patterns of self care and keeping those legs intact.
[00:15:20] Speaker C: And if a leg goes out, as.
[00:15:21] Speaker B: It often does, that you dont let that leg go out consistently for more than two weeks.
[00:15:26] Speaker C: If it goes out for two weeks.
[00:15:27] Speaker B: Up to two weeks, thats pretty normal in life. But if you let it go for more than two weeks, its normalizing.
[00:15:32] Speaker C: Its going to be hard to get that back. So stick with the legs of the.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: Chair and that means you can carry a ton of weight and then sit.
[00:15:37] Speaker C: Down as you need.
[00:15:38] Speaker A: How do you keep balance between work, life, health, and family?
[00:15:42] Speaker B: Understand what the quadrants of life work.
[00:15:45] Speaker C: And then intentionally invest time or reinvest time as needed.
[00:15:50] Speaker B: So the quadrants of life like imagine.
[00:15:52] Speaker C: A four quadrant grid.
[00:15:54] Speaker B: Top left is work. Top right is family and friends. Bottom left is spiritual. Bottom right its interests, hobbies and passions.
[00:16:02] Speaker C: So work.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: What I mean by work is this is what you do to draw revenue.
[00:16:07] Speaker C: Like how you get paid. Basically, nothing goes in there that isn't work, that isn't a revenue generating family and friends.
[00:16:15] Speaker B: It's how people define family and friends for them. Some people have what would be considered more like the traditional idea of a family. So people you're related to, and it could be a partner, it could be kids, it could be your parents, your.
[00:16:27] Speaker C: Brothers, sisters, cousins, whatever it is.
[00:16:29] Speaker B: Other people don't have that. And so they have friends or they have friends that are like family.
[00:16:33] Speaker C: Some people include pets in this as well. Spiritual, uh, this is, however people define it.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: But what I mean by that specifically, it's that thing that helps you understand that you live in, like, a giant, beautiful, amazing world. It's a thing that gives you perspective.
[00:16:47] Speaker C: That what you're experiencing in life is.
[00:16:50] Speaker B: Just a blip in time, in. In a world that has, like, a.
[00:16:52] Speaker C: Ton of amazing things.
[00:16:54] Speaker B: So for some people, that's going to be religion. Some people are religious.
[00:16:57] Speaker C: I'm not a religious person.
[00:16:59] Speaker B: For other people, it's going to be things that get them engaged with life.
[00:17:03] Speaker C: From a bigger perspective. So for me, I love running.
[00:17:06] Speaker B: So I like running it in along.
[00:17:08] Speaker C: The seawall of Vancouver. And it, for me, it's a totally spiritual thing.
[00:17:12] Speaker B: It gets me connected to the idea that I live in a huge city full of tons of people I don't know who are out living all of their own lives.
[00:17:20] Speaker C: If I have, like, some thing that.
[00:17:23] Speaker B: Like, I'm really stressed or anxious about or worried about, I go for a run. And of course, the exercise helps. But that idea that, like, I'm not.
[00:17:29] Speaker C: Just, like, this little corner of my world isn't everything.
[00:17:32] Speaker B: There's everything life is full of. There's so much more. Life is full of so much possibility.
[00:17:36] Speaker C: For me, that's like, a real spiritual thing.
[00:17:38] Speaker B: So spirituality, whatever that means to people.
[00:17:41] Speaker C: Think of that, and then the last.
[00:17:43] Speaker B: One is interests, hobbies, and passions.
When I think of interests, I think of things that you're willing to put.
[00:17:49] Speaker C: Time and money into, but you don't.
[00:17:51] Speaker B: Care if you get better at it, and you're not necessarily interested in being.
[00:17:54] Speaker C: Part of the culture that surrounds it.
[00:17:56] Speaker B: So, for example, I love sneakers. I really love, like, air max ones, air max nineties. I love sambas. Like, I I have a lot, like, I love bands. I just like sneakers.
[00:18:05] Speaker C: I have a lot of sneakers.
[00:18:07] Speaker B: So I spend a lot of time.
[00:18:08] Speaker C: And money on it. Um, but I'm not trying to have.
[00:18:11] Speaker B: Like, the most amazing sneaker collection. I don't have like a 3000 pair.
[00:18:14] Speaker C: Dollar pair of shoes or anything. And also, I'm not a part of sneaker culture. Like, that's just not where I spend my time.
[00:18:22] Speaker B: So I'm not invested in the community around it.
[00:18:24] Speaker C: So for me, it's just an interest.
[00:18:26] Speaker B: A hobby is something that you'll put time and money into, but you're actively.
[00:18:30] Speaker C: Interested in getting better at it.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: But you're not necessarily, you don't necessarily care about being part of the culture.
[00:18:35] Speaker C: That'S involved with it.
[00:18:36] Speaker B: So, triathlons, I like triathlons a lot and I spend time and money on it and I am interested in getting better at it. Like, each time I do one, I.
[00:18:44] Speaker C: Want to do it better.
[00:18:45] Speaker B: Uh, but I'm not part of triathlon culture. Like, I don't really know other people who do a triathlon.
[00:18:49] Speaker C: It's not part of my social circle. And then there's passions.
[00:18:53] Speaker B: Passions are things you're going to spend.
[00:18:54] Speaker C: Time and money on. You're actively trying to get better and.
[00:18:58] Speaker B: Being part of the culture and the community that surrounds it matters to you. So for me, that would be music. I spend a lot of time and money on it. I'm always trying to write better and better songs and be in better and.
[00:19:07] Speaker C: Better bands, know more and more about music and also being connected to the.
[00:19:12] Speaker B: Music scene and having friends within that world and really knowing what's going on.
[00:19:16] Speaker C: Totally matters to me.
[00:19:17] Speaker B: So all four of those things are about the balance of life. And that's like taking the complexity of life and breaking it down into these like four simple quadrants. Because there's like tons of things you can put in each one of these buckets. So you only have 100% of your.
[00:19:30] Speaker C: Time, though, 100% of your energy.
And most people, when they're professionals, they spend the bulk of their time and energy on work. That's where you're spending the most of your time. And that's not bad.
[00:19:44] Speaker B: So if you think of the number 100% or the percentage 100.
[00:19:48] Speaker C: You'Re spending.
[00:19:49] Speaker B: Probably a huge percent of, a huge.
[00:19:52] Speaker C: Chunk of that 100% in work. And that's not bad.
[00:19:55] Speaker B: That's normal, especially when you're mid to late career, because you're doing a huge.
[00:19:59] Speaker C: Push at that point.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: It just means that you know where you're spending your time and energy and that you're making good sense of that remaining time. So let's just say I spend 60%.
[00:20:09] Speaker C: Of my energy and time at work. That means I got 40% left and.
[00:20:13] Speaker B: I split that 40% up across those.
[00:20:16] Speaker C: Three other areas where im splitting up.
[00:20:18] Speaker B: That 40% should be based on where Im getting the most satisfaction. Im a family person. I have a wonderful wife and three amazing kids and my mom lives with us and I have a sister and.
[00:20:30] Speaker C: My dad and dogs. I spend the bulk of my 40% with my family.
[00:20:37] Speaker B: And that leaves just a little bit of time for spiritual and a little bit of time for interests, hobbies and passions. Thats great because I get the greatest.
[00:20:43] Speaker C: Return out of my family and thats the best investment.
[00:20:47] Speaker B: People need to figure out that extra time that you have outside of work where youre going to invest that time. But what that also means is youre going to go through periods of your life where you have to reinvest energy in different places. So as an example, lets say youve got your life balanced out, where youve got 60% at work and then 40% is invested in other areas of your life. But let's say you've got a family.
[00:21:08] Speaker C: Emergency where that energy that it takes to attend to that has to come from somewhere.
[00:21:13] Speaker B: So you're going to pull some energy from work. You're going to pull some energy from spiritual. You'll pull some energy from interest, hobbies and passion and reinvest, or reinvest it in your family.
[00:21:22] Speaker C: Or let's say you're training for a triathlon.
[00:21:24] Speaker B: That's going to take more time than I usually spend on it. So I'm going to pull energy from.
[00:21:29] Speaker C: Different areas and then I'm going to invest it there.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: Life doesn't just happen like we, we put energy places based on the need at the time. But what it gets freaking when I.
[00:21:39] Speaker C: Think about work life balance is it's very easy to get stuck.
[00:21:42] Speaker B: So if like you're in a time of your career or you've gone through a really stressful period in your family or, you know, you're super hyper focused on your, your passions or something is spiritual.
[00:21:52] Speaker C: It's get really, it can get really.
[00:21:54] Speaker B: Easy to get stuck and not realize that you're over invested in an area and you don't know how to pull that energy back. And that means you're, you're not living a balanced life. One of the things that I think people get a little, they dont pay enough attention to is like they talk.
[00:22:07] Speaker C: A lot about work life balance, but.
[00:22:08] Speaker B: People get focused on all sorts of things that take them out of balance. So its not just work life. People could be spending too much time with their buddies, they could be drinking too much. They could be spending too much time exercising, maybe spending too much time on the Internet.
[00:22:21] Speaker C: Life isnt just work and life balance. Theres like, its just life balance and.
[00:22:27] Speaker B: How you split up your time across.
[00:22:28] Speaker C: Those four quadrants should, you should really.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: Consider where you're spending your time, but you should also consider when you claw back time from other places that might have gone stuck and reinvested other places. It is an intentional practice. And I dont think people should be.
[00:22:42] Speaker C: Like, im going to spend more time.
[00:22:44] Speaker B: With my kids and be that general. I think you should really look at the percentage, break it down. This is the percentage of time that I think im spending these areas. And then try and pull percentages from other places. Know what that looks like in terms.
[00:22:56] Speaker C: Of tasks, and then redeploy that energy somewhere else.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: It is intentional. It takes us out of vagueness. Work isnt the enemy. Id say most people need work, like really need work. And that doesnt necessarily just mean your.
[00:23:07] Speaker C: Career, but its not work versus life. Like work is a part of life.
[00:23:12] Speaker B: Its about finding that right balance between.
[00:23:14] Speaker C: All of them, where balance isnt 100%.
[00:23:17] Speaker B: As equally divided across those four things. Its that the investment is about what gets you the most returns, where you get the most satisfaction. Well, knowing most of us have to have most of our energy put in.
[00:23:29] Speaker C: Work for large periods of our career.
[00:23:32] Speaker A: What strategies do you recommend to create the ideal corporate culture?
[00:23:36] Speaker C: Be aspirational with your culture, know what it means, and don't be perfectionistic.
So when companies talk to me about.
[00:23:46] Speaker B: Their culture, they often talk to me.
[00:23:48] Speaker C: About it in this perfectionistic point of view. Like now that weve put these words on a piece of paper, thats what we are. When in reality its like thats saying, im going to go from not running marathons to saying, im going to run.
[00:24:04] Speaker B: A marathon the very next day. If youre trying to change your culture, especially if youre trying to change it.
[00:24:10] Speaker C: From maybe having some challenges, you cant.
[00:24:13] Speaker B: Just will it into existence the very next day and imagine it to be perfect. Thats perfectionism.
[00:24:17] Speaker C: And ill just tell you that doing.
[00:24:20] Speaker B: That is more often than not how I see people try and do this thing. It's like we are this.
[00:24:26] Speaker C: Are you or are ten people in.
[00:24:28] Speaker B: A room saying that they want to be that? And maybe three of those ten people deeply disagree but aren't saying it because.
[00:24:34] Speaker C: The rest of the people are saying it.
[00:24:36] Speaker B: Culture is a real interesting thing. I really believe companies should focus on their culture, but they should be totally aspirational for it and factor in that human beings are going to human beings. So that means, like, we actually know what that means. So, first of all, from the aspirational.
[00:24:49] Speaker C: Space, we should be aspiring towards great things.
[00:24:53] Speaker B: So your culture should be like, we.
[00:24:55] Speaker C: Aspire to be like this, and we know exactly what the behaviors are that support this culture, and then we understand what the skills are that are associated with that.
[00:25:07] Speaker B: So, for example, if we were going to say we aspired, we aspire to be a culture where everyone has a voice.
[00:25:15] Speaker C: That's all.
[00:25:15] Speaker B: That's amazing.
[00:25:16] Speaker C: I love that. That's fantastic.
[00:25:18] Speaker B: All right, so what's a behavior around that? Well, a behavior around that is that people are constantly in the facilitator mindset. And the facilitator mindset would be not only are they comfortable speaking, but they're also very, very comfortable with encouraging other people to speak.
[00:25:32] Speaker C: Inviting people to speak. So what's a skill around that?
[00:25:35] Speaker B: Well, a skill around that is a.
[00:25:36] Speaker C: It would be asking really effective questions.
[00:25:40] Speaker B: It would be having really strong physical and verbal presence. But mostly it's about empathy. Being able to read the room, seeing who's. Seeing who's silent, kind of having an understanding of why they're silent, and then being able to create the right kind of situation where you can give an.
[00:25:54] Speaker C: Opening for them to speak, which they may or may not take up, and.
[00:25:58] Speaker B: That then we don't pester them afterwards. So empathy is an actual skill. People don't think it's a skill, but.
[00:26:04] Speaker C: It'S a total skill.
[00:26:05] Speaker B: So think of that from, like, a cultural perspective. It's like, we want to. We aspire to be a culture where everyone has a voice. It is awesome.
[00:26:12] Speaker C: I love that idea. But it has a lot of elements.
[00:26:16] Speaker B: That you really need to understand what you're shooting for. So, again, what are the behaviors involved, and then what are the skills associated? So that's, like, understand what you're shooting for and make sure you've got, like, the right. Hire the right kind of people. You train those people like, you have, like, all the things that would support that ongoing. But the other piece of it is, when I say aspirational, it's, you got to let people be people.
[00:26:37] Speaker C: So if you aspire towards something, you've.
[00:26:39] Speaker B: Got to understand that, like, there's going to be times where people aren't acting like that, and it could be one person, it could be ten people.
[00:26:46] Speaker C: It could be like, you know, we're.
[00:26:48] Speaker B: Going through a difficult time financially, or there's a lot of stress and people aren't acting up to the culture. But if you're not being perfectionistic, you're assuming that people are going to go off of that aspirational space.
[00:27:00] Speaker C: So an easy way to start is.
[00:27:02] Speaker B: Say we aspire to be this at least 70% of the time on average, and then 30% when were not like that.
We have the awareness and skills to.
[00:27:14] Speaker C: Get back to that.
[00:27:15] Speaker B: We can have the conversations, we can look at ourselves in the mirror and.
[00:27:19] Speaker C: Kind of hold ourselves accountable. 70% might sound like, oh, that sucks. Only 70% of the time, frankly, if.
[00:27:27] Speaker B: Youre being perfectionistic about something, im going to tell you that number is going.
[00:27:30] Speaker C: To be a lot lower.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: So if you keep it at 70% and get successful at that, so you know what the behaviors are and the skills, you focus on the training about.
[00:27:39] Speaker C: It, that 70% over time becomes like 72%, it becomes 80%, it becomes 87%.
[00:27:45] Speaker B: Are you ever going to get to 100%? No, because human beings are human beings and they're going to go through difficult times and wild things are going to happen. But you can get more effective and better and better at being consistent with living an aspirational culture at a higher.
[00:27:58] Speaker C: Percentage if you focus on gradual growth.
[00:28:02] Speaker B: And that also lets people norm to the culture and have it be like a real organic thing rather than this.
[00:28:07] Speaker C: We are this perspective.
[00:28:10] Speaker A: How do you stay ethical and foster that in your organization?
[00:28:14] Speaker C: First know, are they personal ethics or.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: Professional ethics or a combination of both and also known, know where the line is between your preference and what the ethics are and how how those live. And so what I mean by that is most professions and most industries have.
[00:28:30] Speaker C: Like professional ethics that are associated with it.
[00:28:32] Speaker B: Like therapists are going to have it, coaches are going to have slightly different ones. Like a banker is going to have different ones than that. Lawyers have different ones. So there's like ethical concerns that are.
[00:28:40] Speaker C: Like really based, based in the business.
[00:28:43] Speaker B: And those are just kind of like the rules of engagement, essentially, that are.
[00:28:46] Speaker C: Like, some of them are written down.
[00:28:48] Speaker B: And some of them are kind of.
[00:28:49] Speaker C: Like from a social contract perspective. But then there are personal ethics as well, like what matters to us, and.
[00:28:55] Speaker B: One doesnt necessarily trump the other. I think personal ethics are super, super important, but one has more of the legality of working within an industry and the things you have to do to essentially, effectively, to properly be an ethical.
[00:29:10] Speaker C: Participant in whatever industry youre in versus things that matter to you.
[00:29:15] Speaker B: First would be really understanding those two things. And the second is knowing where preference is.
[00:29:20] Speaker C: What I mean by preference is all.
[00:29:23] Speaker B: Sorts of people, myself included, have things.
[00:29:25] Speaker C: That we prefer and those things that we prefer are usually based on what makes the most sense to us, what we like, what's easy, what takes the less amount of effort from us.
[00:29:36] Speaker B: And sometimes those can feel like ethics.
[00:29:38] Speaker C: But they're just what we actually prefer.
[00:29:41] Speaker B: And the flip side of that is making things authentic. And when I say authentic, it's about identifying things that maybe aren't as comfortable for us or that are more challenging.
[00:29:50] Speaker C: That are harder to do. But we get used to doing it.
[00:29:54] Speaker B: And we learn those skills and kind.
[00:29:56] Speaker C: Of build up those muscles, because there are times where doing the thing that's.
[00:30:00] Speaker B: Most comfortable for us, the thing that.
[00:30:01] Speaker C: We prefer, isn't the right thing, and.
[00:30:03] Speaker B: We actually have to be able to execute on something that makes us feel uncomfortable. Maybe it's a little bit painful or difficult for us to do, but we.
[00:30:10] Speaker C: Know it's the right thing to do.
So identify what your business ethics are.
[00:30:15] Speaker B: Where your personal ethics are, and then whatever shortcuts that your preference might be causing you to want to take that. We just, it's very common for people.
[00:30:23] Speaker C: To be like, this is like an.
[00:30:25] Speaker B: Ethical thing, when in reality it's like, well, maybe I just kind of want it that way. And I'm, I'm taking this, this grander stand. So when it comes down to, like, industry ethics, I mean, that should be just like, clear conversation point of view where it's like, here are the regulations, here's, you know, some industries are regulated, or here are kind of like the general rules of engagement. Um, some, again, are like social contract things where it's like, well, we should never lie to our clients. That doesn't mean people don't lie to clients all the time.
[00:30:49] Speaker C: Right.
[00:30:50] Speaker B: And then there are things that are personal ethics. It's really understanding, like, what are the industry ethics? What are my own ethics? And having those conversations with people at a peer level and a leadership level.
[00:31:00] Speaker C: Candidly, without pointing the finger, because the.
[00:31:03] Speaker B: Real key here is not about pointing the finger. If you think we're being dishonest, we don't want to come in and be.
[00:31:08] Speaker C: Like, you're a liar.
[00:31:10] Speaker B: Because when we do that, we're putting someone on the defensive. I always encourage people to try and use we language with that kind of stuff.
We might be positioning ourselves with clients.
[00:31:21] Speaker C: In a way that isnt accurate. Thats a great way of saying it.
[00:31:24] Speaker B: When it comes down to what might just be personal preference, I got to encourage people here. Its like, if you dont like something.
[00:31:30] Speaker C: It can really feel like its unethical, but really focus.
[00:31:33] Speaker B: Like, is this just something I dont like doing.
Heres an example.
[00:31:37] Speaker C: Its like sometimes we have to give.
[00:31:39] Speaker B: People feedback, and sometimes that feedback is really, really, really difficult. Most people arent going to say giving.
[00:31:45] Speaker C: People feedback is unethical, but theres all.
[00:31:48] Speaker B: Sorts of times where I see people being like, well, its unethical for me to go down that line and ill be like, why? Youre just giving someone feedback? And theyll say, well, it just feels this way and that way. And then when you get deeper into.
[00:32:01] Speaker C: It, theyre like, I just dont like giving feedback. So ive got to encourage you here.
[00:32:05] Speaker B: Is it just a case of something that you dont like doing that you need to get good at doing and kind of find your own path? Or is it something you actually think.
[00:32:12] Speaker C: Is immoral or unethical?
[00:32:13] Speaker B: If something's immoral or unethical, you can never get good at doing it because.
[00:32:16] Speaker C: It'S immoral and unethical. So you shouldn't do it, but you do.
[00:32:20] Speaker B: Uh, but outside of that, most things.
[00:32:22] Speaker C: In work that feel a little bit.
[00:32:23] Speaker B: Daunting or challenging or a little scary, they can feel unethical. And you should really challenge yourself about that. Uh, for the other piece, though, you got to stick to your guns. You got to stick to what you believe in. The second piece is, how do you help an organization do that? Not all organizations want to do that. I did work at a place where I felt we were positioning ourselves in the market in like a really dishonest way. Having that conversation with my boss at the time was really tough because I.
[00:32:47] Speaker C: Was like, hey, you know, like, I.
[00:32:49] Speaker B: I don't agree with this. I think the way we're positioning ourselves is promising people something, but that's not.
[00:32:54] Speaker C: Actually what we do.
[00:32:56] Speaker B: And my boss had a different opinion.
[00:32:57] Speaker C: And basically, no matter how I phrased.
[00:33:00] Speaker B: It, my boss was like, you're telling me that I'm lying to people. And at the core of it, that's actually what I did believe. I was like, yeah, I actually do think that.
[00:33:08] Speaker C: And I had to have a real reckoning with myself.
[00:33:10] Speaker B: Im trying to change an organization that does not want to change. And by the way, was very successful.
[00:33:15] Speaker C: Like super successful positioning themselves.
[00:33:17] Speaker B: It was my personal opinion. And they worked in an unregulated industry, so theres not regulations there, so theres.
[00:33:23] Speaker C: Not real ethics there that would hold.
[00:33:27] Speaker B: Them in a position. It was more my personal ethics. I was like, I think this is a lie.
[00:33:32] Speaker C: I dont think this is true. And I ended up not working there anymore because I couldnt change that.
[00:33:37] Speaker B: So it is the line between what.
[00:33:38] Speaker C: Are industry ethics, your ethics, and then.
[00:33:41] Speaker B: Also what might be a little bit of preference versus trying to learn something. And its getting that right kind of.
[00:33:46] Speaker C: Combination, having conversations with people and doing.
[00:33:50] Speaker B: It in a non threading but super clear and direct way like dont beat around the bush.
[00:33:54] Speaker C: And then also if the organization doesnt.
[00:33:56] Speaker B: Want it, then being prepared to leave because you cant stay and work in a place that you think is unethical.
[00:34:01] Speaker C: You just cant do it.
[00:34:05] Speaker A: We want to hear from you, our audience, to submit your questions, send us a message, drop us a DM or comment on our social channels.
